This is the story of Jordan, my little angel. He was born on May 29,1998 at 3:50 am cst, with thunderstorms and tornados all around the area, little Jordan decided to come into my life. He was a happy little guy, always smiling, only cried when he really needed something. He was born weighing only 6 lbs 13 oz, and only 18 inches long. By the time he was 2 months old he weighed 14 lbs 5 oz, so you can see he liked his food. He learned to smile at me on June 11, and made it a habit from then out to smile daily at me. Then in August he started to sit up for a few seconds at a time alone, by the end of September he had it down pat. So he started learning to roll over alone, by Oct 20th he had that mastered too.

On Oct 22 about 1:50 pm cst I checked on him as he slept in his cradle..he opened his eyes and smiled at me, I rubbed his tummy til he fell back asleep, and I left the house for a while, so he and his daddy could nap. I returned home at 2:45 pm, and went in to check on him, when I picked him up I was horrified as he was completely limp in my arms, I flipped him over thinking maybe he's just sleeping soundly, I flipped him over and still nothing. We rushed him out into the living room and called 911, they couldnt tell us how to do CPR because the operator who answered didn't have his certification for it yet, so he put me on hold and transferred me to the hospitol emergency room, after six rings they finally picked up. The woman at the hospitol who claimed to be a nurse said she could tell me how to do cpr...so they brought me online..2 1/2 minutes after I placed the call to them. The woman on the phone began telling me CPR for a child 1-7 years of age, the 911 operator told her 5 times on the call that we were dealing with a 5 month old baby, she continued to ignore him.

Finally paramedics with the firestation arrived and began CPR on him, they found a weak pulse, but he wasn't breathing. I rode in the ambulance with Jordan, when we arrived i was ushered off to some waiting room while they worked on him. Finally after we had been at the hospitol for 20 mins and 45 mins after I had found him, they revived him. He still couldnt breath on his own, but he had a stable heartbeat and pulse. They took him from the E.R. to a room in the ICU. He was then put on a ventilator, and needles were shoved in his tiny veins in an attempt to monitor his vitals. We were allowed in his room for about 10 minutes at a time then we were chased out for more doctors to work on him. He went thru catscans, exrays, numerous I.V.'s and various needles going in and out of his little body. Finally at about midnight we were informed by a neurologist that he would have to face testing the next morning to see if there was any bloodflow to his brain.

At this point my little angel lay in a coma, and the doctors weren't hopeful of him pulling out of it. I prayed all night that there was something good yet to come. I spent that night talking to him, rubbing his arms and legs and changing his diapers, hoping he would try to breath on his own. Finally morning arrived. The doctors went in the room and 20 minutes later came to me and informed me that there was no bloodflow and that the law here in Iowa says the doctors have to turn off the ventilator for 5 minutes giving him straight oxygen to see if he would try to breath on his own. He never did. I was then informed that at noon a second doctor would come in and give us a second opion. We spent the morning contacting family and friends we new would want to be there, and praying for something to turn around by noon. Finally at 11:45 we had our Pastor dedicate Jordan to the Lord and we all said our goodbyes and prepared for the worst. At noon the second doctor arrived. After checking Jordan over he too came to the same decision, my baby boy was braindead, we would have to turn the lifesupport off. I spent the next two hours taking his foot and hand prints, taking pictures of him and giving him one final bath and diaper changing. I told him how much I loved him and wanted him to stay here with me, but alas Heaven must be one beautiful place.

Finally at 2:15 pm on Oct 23,1998, the nurse handed me my son for the last time I would ever hold him. At 2:28 she turned off the ventilator and by 2:30 he flatlined. That fateful day I didn't just lost my baby boy Jordan, I lost my best friend. I spent the next three days planning not a birthday party or christmas, not even the upcoming Halloween, I spent it planning my baby boy's funeral. He was dressed in his Dallas Cowboy's windsuit, the one we bought for him to watch football with Grandpa this Fall, and his favorite tennies, his I love mommy socks, and of course a diaper and t-shirt. He almost looked as if he was just sleeping lying in the little blue coffin we had chosen for him. There were tons of flowers and plants brought in. Stuffed animals lined his chunky little body, along with drawings from his brothers Mike, Darin and Christian.His favorite bear that played music and a few other toys he enjoyed.

The service that night was beautiful, we played songs we had sang to him while he was alive, such as "I believe", "10,000 angels cried"," How do I live", all by Lean Rymes, " Love Remains", By Collin Raye "The Rainbow Connection", sung by kermit the frog, "Don't wanna close my eyes" by aroesmith and "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey and Boys II Men. It truly was a tear jerker, or at least we were told that. I just wanted to play those one last time for him. All of our friends an family attended, many people we barely new showed as well. Then the worst day of my life came. The day we buried him Oct 28, 1998 we had a small service at the funeral home, I had them close his coffin while my husband and I watched with our Pastor there by our sides. We rode in the Limo with him to the church, and as they brought his coffin in we played "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton. We had the service and as it came to an end we Played "Angels amoung us" by Alabama, while my three other sons, Michael, Darin, and Christian, two nieces, Destinee and Savanna, and two nephews Christopher and Joshua, all layed his blanket over his coffin, covering him up for one last time. Then everyone came past his coffin and photo sitting close by to say thier final goodbyes. We took flowers to the grave with us and we all threw one in on top of him after they lowered him into the ground, what society calls "his final resting place". All in all it was a beautiful thing.

We got something most parents of SIDS, or for that matter anyone who loses a loved one. We got one last day with him, to hug him and kiss him and bathe him and change him and hold him as he left this world. No one could ask for more than that. My precious little angel is now in heaven bouncing on clouds and playing with other angels, or in Jordans case Cherub would be the word, he weighed in at the time of his death at 24.8 pounds. They call what Jordan died of SIDS, there is no cure, no clues to who it will take and who it wont. You can be holding your child and it can happen. There is no warning, no struggle, they just stop breathing and they go. There is no stopping it, no controlling it, no hiding from it. All you can do is hope that it doesnt happen. Everyday that goes by I think of my little angel, I know he is in a much better place than we will ever imagine, and I know someday soon I will be with him again, and we can bounce on clouds together forever. Several things have been written for Jordan, and chosen poems from friends and family members that I would like to share. You can click on the links to go to them. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and I hope it touches someone the way it has me.

May God bless and keep each of you ...Tammy/aka/ICE_ANGEL~